Caution
by Hawki
Summary: Oneshot: Miranda Lawson liked to consider herself to be a cautious individual, one who always looked before leaping. Still, when it came to serving under Commander Shepard, she had a strong urge to throw caution to the wind...


**Caution**

Miranda Lawson liked to consider herself to be a cautious individual, the type of person who always looked before leaping, a human capable of evaluating people objectively rather than subjectively. Indeed, she had to admit, it was probably these traits that had defined her as one of Cerberus' top operatives. But right now, right as the _Normandy _was about to head through the Omega-4 relay, this streak had come to an end.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. Joker's still bitching about EDI setting the co-ordinates."

Ah, Commander Shepard. The case in point.

"No need to apologise commander. This meeting is on your own time."

It was an awkward way to start a conversation, made even more so that it was being held in Shepard's personal quarters. Not that Miranda was without her own, but she felt obliged to give the commander the advantage in her...apology, whether it come from familiar territory or the fish in the aquarium. Certainly he'd know far more about comradeship than she did, being the isolated, manipulative _bitch _that she was.

_And that's what's _really _bothering you isn't it? _asked the voice that Miranda supposed was a recently resurfaced conscience. _You're afraid you've become less professional, yet you're not even sure if that's a bad thing._

Telling the voice to go to hell, the Cerberus operative decided to cut to the chase. She wasn't too sure if this meeting was a good idea, but there was no turning back now regardless.

"I...believe I owe you an apology..." began Miranda awkwardly, walking from side to side to stall for time.

"What for?" asked Shepard, clearly not intent on giving it to her. Damn it.

"For not giving you my full support," she answered, finding the words she wanted to say coming to her far more easily than she would have thought possible. "I mean, I didn't fully believe you'd be up to the task, and it seems I was wrong."

Miranda let out a deep breath. There. It was out. She'd swallowed her pride and given the commander the respect that she now realized he deserved. However, respect for her didn't seem to be as forthcoming, considering Shepard's previous mild interest had been replaced with a dark scowl.

"Fascinating," the CO grunted. "I for one would never have guessed that I didn't have your backing. I was certain of you having my back on Illium, that telling me to let thousands of people die on Purgatory was preferable to risking my own life. And of course, I _knew_ that you were with me every step of the way when I saved those krogan from the vorcha on Tuchunka. But since this was _obviously _just an act, I guess I was a fool all along."

Ouch.

Taking a step back, Miranda knew that "ouch" didn't cover it. Strange really, how Shepard poking fun at himself was tearing her apart, that her performance hadn't fooled the Spectre at all. And while part of her mind prompted her to go on the attack, to point out that even the man's old turian and quarian friends had their reservations about joining his mission given his affiliation with Cerberus, the rational part of the operative's mind held her back. Like Jacob, she'd been with Shepard from the start. But unlike Jacob, she'd never given him the benefit of the doubt.

_So...this is what guilt feels like._

Guilt felt a bit wet actually. But considering the tears beginning to well up in her eyes for some reason, Miranda supposed that was to be expected. What _wasn't _to be expected however, was the commander's stance softening instead of berating her for this show of weakness.

"Miranda, you aren't obliged to give me your full support," murmured Shepard, standing like a soldier called to attention. "However, since we're about to give the Collectors our all, I will expect you to be at your best. And while I appreciate what amounts to an apology from you, I will expect you to at least let out what's really bothering you before we enter the abyss."

Miranda blinked. From experience, bluntness rarely went hand in hand with insight. Still, Shepard had proved himself exceptional in many ways so it seemed prudent to match his approach with her own bluntness and giving him the insight the S.O.B. deserved.

"Fine, you want to know what's bothering me?" Miranda asked. "It's you."

Now it was Shepard's turn to blink. "What?"

"You heard me, it's you! Ever since we left the Illusive Man, I've been stuck on this...this _barge _with only you and Jacob to confide in. And since he's got the whole _espirit de corps _crap with a former soldier going on, I'm left in the dark! And while you seem to be leading us to a light at the end of a tunnel, I...I..I just can't see it."

"Scared, then?"

"No..." Miranda breathed. "Just cautious."

Shepard nodded slowly, as if to indicate that the conversation was over. However, given the tirade that followed, that clearly wasn't the case.

"You're a hopeless liar Miranda," said the commander bluntly. "You are cautious, true, but that isn't what brought you here. You're scared. You've been scared ever since we left Cerberus. Scared from being outside your comfort zone. Scared at dealing with scum. And what scares you most of all, is that your facade of being a woman of zero emotion is falling faster than a drunk elcor. And call me pretentious, but I think I know the reason."

Miranda remained silent, the tears continuing to fall. Oh God, it was true. All of it. She'd become an emotional wreck and only now was she letting it all out. And the reason for it, the man that she'd...observed over the last few months was seeing past the face. The cause behind all her problems.

"So don't worry," said Shepard, kissing her on the forehead and drawing her in close, stroking her hair gently. "Because you don't have to be afraid anymore."

Letting herself be drawn in by the embrace, bewildered yet relieved by the irrationality of it all, of the nonsensical nature of what she now knew was love, Miranda Lawson realized that the commander was the solution to her problems as well.

* * *

_A/N_

_Possibly apparent, but the idea for this oneshot came from "The Stars of Mass Effect" video, in which voice actors gave their 2 cents, specifically the brief interaction seen between Miranda and Shepard in it. Interaction that seems to hint at the former being a romance option for the latter, which for me at least, would be more preferable to the other confirmed romance options for a male Shepard in the game. Chambers is an unknown quantity at this stage and Subject Zero...well, you know..._

_And despite writing down such hopes (though I will bet that any intercourse scene will take place before going through the Omega-4 relay, similar to the travel time to Ilos in the original game), I end up making it all angsty. Oh well. Merry Christmas I guess._


End file.
